| So, I've been thinking about starting to blog again. Instead of getting a brand new blog and deleting all of my old stuff which was good stuff from a different time in my life and which I enjoy rereading from time to time, I'll just keep it, change up what my page looks like, and start blogging. So, here goes. Life has been good to me this summer. God has been good to me this summer. I never would have imagined that this summer would look this way, but I'm so sure that this is how it was supposed to be. I'm at home, taking summer school classes and just relaxing. For the first time in about 3 years, I'm just relaxing. I've had a lot of time to think and to reflect back on the last few years of my life and project a little bit into the future. Contentment is pretty much the name of my game right now as well as focusing on how God has just shaped my life more and more into what He wants it to be. Most of the things that have happened over the last 3 years of my life are things that I never could have imagined, and if I had dreamed them up, they came about in a way that I wouldn't have guessed. God is clearly the a Author of my life. He's written my life story and is slowly revealing it to me line by line. All I have to do is continue to seek Him and trust Him and follow Him. Sounds simple, right? Why do I always make it so difficult? I have to keep reminding myself that I can't see the big picture and won't see the big picture and that I have to step out on faith, trusting that my Father will catch me and not let me fall. In my head, I know this to be very true. Yet, my heart doesn't always agree. Generally, that's the feeling of the summer. Today I had some different thoughts. I started my 3rd summer school course today, a course in Economics. At the beginning of class, we did the icebreaker type thing. My teacher asked us 7 questions: 1. What's your name?; 2. What do you want to be famous for?; 3. What's your favorite game?; 4. Who's your favorite teacher?; 5. What's your favorite book?; 6.Who's your hero?; 7. Why do you think I'm asking you all of these questions?. Well, the reason he was asking us all of those questions was for us to go around the room and answer them in front of the class. The answers to my questions: 1.Jeane'; 2. Following Christ; 3. Catch Phrase; 4. Dr.Abramson (who is only one of many of my favorites) 5. Bible; 6. Jesus; 7. No idea(at the time, I wasn't sure what he was going to do with all the questions). So, I shared all of these responses with my class. Three out of my seven responses had to do with my faith. Thinking about that, I felt somewhat embarassed... Why did I feel embarassed? Was it because I wanted to keep my faith a secret? Did I not want people to know who I am? Did I want to fit in? No, I didn't. I didn't. I absolutely want people to know who I am and to know what I stand for. I just don't know that answering icebreaker questions is how I want them to find out. I felt like the cliche Christian girl, the girl with all the right answers. Yeah, of course you want to follow Christ, read the Bible, and Jesus is your hero. Of course, but do you really live that? I would answer, yes, yes, I do live my life that way. I'm not perfect. I'm a sinner. I make mistakes all the time. But yes, Jesus is Lord and Savior of my life. He is on the throne of my heart. I want to follow Him. But will they see that or will they just give up on me the first time I fail to meet the mark? Now, what do my classmates think of me? Will they be watching my every move waiting for the cliche Christian girl to slip up? Maybe. Will they stay away from me because of their preconceptions about what Christianity is and who Christians are? Maybe. These are my fears. I know that I have to trust God and not worry about what others will think of me. But isn't that the point? To be salt and light? I have to worry a little bit. I don't want my "Cliche Christianity" to scare them away. How can I be salt and light when they won't allow me in? I want them to get a chance to know me. Yes, I am that Christian girl, but I'm also so much more than that. Jesus is my life. He's all that I am, but at the same time I'm so much more. I'm not the cliche. I hope that they see more than just the cliche Christian girl. I hope they see that I follow Christ and that He is my life, but I also hope that they see something more than shallow Christianity. I hope they see Love, and Truth, and Beauty through me because of who I am in Him. I hope I get the chance to show them what I'm really about, what my Jesus is really about, that my Christianity is more than skin deep. I want them to see Him through me. God, use me. Send me. |
